What does it mean to be truly happy? Sometimes happiness comes from a sense of pride or accomplishment; maybe it comes from the feeling that we are loved and cared for by others or simply that we belong and have a purpose. We’ve all experienced moments of happiness, but that deep-rooted sense of balance, joy or serenity can sometimes feel just out of reach. Too often, we find ourselves living for tomorrow and not focusing on the great things right in front of us: what we are currently experiencing. “Things will be good when…”, “I just have to get through this month..” or “If I didn’t have this problem to deal with…”.
Unfortunately, those future days sometimes just don’t come – the reality is that life is busy. It can be stressful and complicated. We need to find a way to experience regular joy in spite of the chaos of life, and it is something that we must continue to work toward.
So, how can we learn to be happy? It’s not an easy task, but in theory, we can learn happiness in the same way that we learn anything: we study the experts, the people who know how to do it. This is exactly what Dr. David Myers, PhD decided to explore during his research decades ago. Dr. Myers studied happy people and identified the core characteristics shared by those who consider themselves “happy.” There is a true art to living in the moment, and some people seem to have found this life balance and happiness.
These are the common attributes of happy people, according to his published work “The Pursuit of Happiness”:
1. Happy people generally like themselves. Self-acceptance is perhaps the most difficult trait to master, but it also may be the most important one. We have to find ways to feel good about the person in the mirror – even just to feel that deep down we are inherently good, we are trying our best and we want to be better. It doesn’t mean that we don’t see the flaws; rather, we are accepting of them and also seeing the positives. Happy people believe that they are ethical people.
2. Happy people feel that they have some aspect of control. Unhappy people will always find an external reason for their woes: “This person made me late”, “I wouldn’t have said that if so and so didn’t do this”. Happy people take responsibility for their actions and recognize that even though they can’t control what others do, they can control their responses. This leaves them feeling empowered and better able to tackle stress.
3. Happy people are optimists. Everything is relative and it depends what side of the fence you are looking from. Not only do happy people feel like they have control to spin a negative situation into a positive one, but they also find the viewpoint that highlights the positive from the beginning. Things can almost alway be worse and happy people know this.
4. Happy people are extroverts. Technically, we don’t know if this is a result of being happy (ie when you’re feeling good, you’re more likely to want to chat with others or get together socially than when you’re down). But the reverse is also likely true for most of us: when you connect with other people, you feel a sense of community, understanding, connection and overall peace.
5. Happy people have significant or close relationships. Married people are generally happier than unmarried people – but it’s not the romantic aspect of the relationship that is significant. Having people that you can depend on, that you trust in a crisis or celebration, and just more significant social connections are statistically more likely to be happy. Building a supportive social network is important.
6. Happy people are spiritual. You don’t need to be religious or believe in a particular God. Spirituality is the belief that there is something greater than yourself, or that we are all connected in some way. Whether it is nature connection or community involvement, this belief adds meaning to our life’s experiences. In fact, some research has found that spiritual people are 2x as happy as people who are not.
7. Happy people strike balance in their lives. It may sound cliche, but the happiest people focus on living a balanced life. Sleep, work, exercise, relationships, hobbies…too much or too little of any of these can tilt the scales toward higher stress and less joy; The obvious point to make here is that “balance” is going to look different for everyone – do your best to match the amount of time, effort and focus to the value assigned to each aspect of your life.
8. Happy people are creative. No, you don’t need to be artsy or musical. Creativity in this case means that you are able to look at problems from many different viewpoints. By doing this, solutions may become more obvious, or you are able to find that optimistic perspective from list item #3!
At the end of the day, happiness is not a quick fix. We are developing a sense of purpose. While it’s nice to have this short list of characteristics to focus on – these tend to imply major life changes. Don’t feel like you need to tackle them all at once, or even flip the switch on one of them immediately. Before change occurs, we always need to start with recognition. Choose a few traits that resonate with you and move forward with baby steps.
If you’d feel more comfortable speaking with someone about your mental health and life balance, feel free to contact Sprout Wellness Clinic to connect with one of our practitioners.
Alternatively, share with us the treats, local businesses, professionals or people in your lives that make you smile! Leave a comment below and let us know.
Dr. Colin, ND
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