(Not) Feeling the Love for Valentine’s Day?
1) DHEA – the vitality hormone
Hormones have a significant impact on libido. Testosterone levels in men and estrogen levels in women are often discussed when it comes to sufficient libido; however, DHEA can sometimes be a contributing factor when it comes to sex drive.
DHEA is earlier in the steroidogenesis pathway (aka in our hormone production) and turns into testosterone and estrogen. When we are younger, DHEA levels are typically higher and decrease with age. This natural decline can mimic our lifespan patterns with libido, as we would expect a higher drive during years of fertility than later in life. However, in some cases, DHEA can become prematurely depleted – such as with high or prolonged stress, low-fat diets, or other medical conditions.
Supporting DHEA with healthy, vegetarian fat sources is one way to support adequate DHEA production. Exercise, especially resistance training with improved muscle mass, is another.
2) Touch levels – too much or too little
How much touch have you had recently? Both too much touch and not enough touch can have a global impact on our cortisol levels and lead to changes in libido. This has been especially researched in post-partum moms who can suffer from too much touch, lowering libido.
In others with less touch, finding ways to boost intimacy – such as hand holding, gentle massage, or snuggling – can help to build intimacy in a couple and boost libido.
Reflect on how much touch you’ve had recently – is it too much, or too little? What kinds of touch help you relax and stimulate happy sensations?
3) Stress Levels – cortisol crusher
Cortisol is a major player when it comes to libido levels. Getting ‘in the mood’ requires a certain level of stability and safety, which, when we are stressed out in a fight-or-flight state, just doesn’t happen. When cortisol and adrenaline are elevated, our brains become heightened to look for danger, and this shifts our neurochemistry away from GABA (“relaxation hormone”), serotonin (“happy hormone”) and dopamine (“reward hormone”). In turn, our libido can be suppressed, never mind the distraction of being stressed out.
Secondly, when cortisol is elevated for prolonged periods of time, it can sometimes pull away from progesterone, shifting our sex hormonal balance and directly impacting libido. Without sufficient progesterone to estrogen/testosterone levels, libido can be diminished, lessening our desire.
Managing stress is an ongoing challenge for most of us with so many competing priorities. Consider when in your day you feel the least distracted and stressed – perhaps that’s when you consider more intimacy with your partner. Prioritizing sleep is a great way to support appropriate cortisol balancing and may be a helpful strategy when supporting libido. Stress management is a highly personal experience, so consider connecting with a professional to strategize on what’s going to work best for you.
4) Physical Activity Levels – exercise can help in multiple ways
Cardiovascular health plays a direct role in our libido. In order to be aroused, we have to have good blood flow to our tissues so working on exercise tolerance, endurance, and strength can all help to improve cardiovascular function. Ensuring a diet high in antioxidants – offered by a diet rich in fruits and vegetables – is another way to support cardiovascular function, as antioxidants help to minimize vascular damage.
Exercise also improves our mental-emotional state by boosting dopamine production and buffering cortisol spikes. The happier we are, the more likely we are to engage in intimacy and thus have a positive impact on libido. Furthermore, the more fit one feels often the more positive we are about our body, building confidence inside and outside the bedroom.
Finding ways to get, and stay, active is a worthy of your time. Whether it’s joining a biking group, going to a gym class, being active with your kids/grandkids, or walking the dog; ensuring you increase your heart rate and break a sweat a few times a week can make a massive difference.
5) Internal dialogue – how kind are you to yourself?
Consider what your internal dialogue is like – are you kind to yourself? Our own body image and self-esteem are directly linked with libido and desire for intimacy. This can be a challenging aspect to reflect on but often can be one of the most rewarding when it comes to impact.
Younger individuals can be especially vulnerable when it comes to negative self-talk. Working through damaging or negative self-talk can help to support healthy libido and disentangle intimacy issues. Finding ways to build your own confidence can help drive libido, which is highly personalized. Working with a therapist or other health professional is one way to find support.
This Valentine’s I hope you find love and intimacy in whichever way is meaningful for you!
In health.
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